Last night, Tork and I went to see the film,
I'm not gonna lie... I wasn't really looking forward to it.
I knew Tork wanted to see it, so I figured I would just take one for the team.
Turns out,
I. Loved. It.
Tork was born and raised on a farm. He loves the farm life and I don't think he will ever leave.
I wasn't raised on the farm. I was what you would call a city girl, I guess. (Even tho my "city" was a small town, pop. 250.)
I wasn't the outdoor type.
I hated bugs.
Never had mice in our house growing up.
Corn fields scared the living daylights out of me,
thanks to Children of the Corn.
I wasn't an animal lover.
See, I told you, I'm a city slicker.
When I was young and dreamed of my future husband,
I literally said,
"I will never, ever, marry someone shorter than me, a blonde, or
a farmer."
Well, I do believe God had other plans for me,
because I got all Three of those things in Tork!
Anyway, the film last night really got me thinking...
We have been married for 20 years.
The first 10 years were REALLY, REALLY not good.
Don't get me wrong, we had good moments,
but we had some colossally bad moments too.
I believe that is because we were married so young.
I was 20 and he was 22.
We were babies and had to grow up together.
I was sort of thrown into this farm life that
I didn't really like or understand.
We bought a farm right before we were married
and Tork had such big dreams for it.
Things went south very quickly for us financially and
by the time I was 24,
we were bankrupt.
Not only financially, but spiritually too.
When you fall on hard times, and you have very little
faith in the One who can hold it all together, things can
seem hopeless.
It's taken me ALL of these years to be able to say the word
"bankrupt" and not feel an enormous amount of shame and guilt.
Living in a small town, everyone knew
of our troubles.
I would feel so judged and humiliated to go out in public.
I probably was imagining it, but when I went to the grocery store,
it felt like people were looking in my shopping cart to see how much I was buying.
Those years are some of the darkest days of my life to date.
I resented my husband, the farm life, and everything it represented.
We had many years of ugliness after that.
Those years are a story for another day.
But the reason I share all of this,
is because God has turned our mess into something wonderful.
I have learned to LOVE the farm life and all it represents. I worked through my resentment, fear of bugs and mice (lol), and was set free from my guilt and shame.
Without all of that yuck... we would never be where we are today...
happily married, in love and perfectly content in our simple life.
Is our marriage and life perfect??
Heck no.
We still have lots of stuff we deal with, just like you.
But because I have faith and know that God is in control
of All of it... I have HOPE on the darkest days.
I wouldn't trade my life on the farm now for anything.
Thanks for letting me share...
Tricia
p.s. They are showing Farmland again on Saturday at 2pm
at State Theater in Washington. Even if you don't farm or care about farming...
It's worth seeing. It might just change how you look at farming too!